February brings yet more snow and the usual winter gems from the so-called Advanced Level Tourism papers which pile up on the office floor like drifts. A question on the importance of Thomas Cook elicits the information from many candidates that Mr Cook "filled all the plane seats on his first excursion in 1848." About as enlightening and well-informed as your average federal budget.
However, the inbox also brings a cheeringly sensible question from our good friend Lisa Kelly in sunny Nebraska, asking what characteristics we would attribute to our favourite guests. The SAD (Snappy Answer Department) produced "A civil good morning and a smile" from David and "No bouncing checks" from your boringly pedestrian scribe.
But it's a question well worth debating. Herself and I were in a b&b in Belcoo, Co Fermanagh, a few years ago and one of your fellow citizens approached me with the words: "Forgive the intrusion from an ugly American but could you help me with phone numbers north to south?" "You're nothing of the sort" said I, "for you have exceeding good manners and to be honest, some of us have the same problem - and we live here."
(A quick excursus: I discovered by chance that the reason why some allegedly internationally enabled cell phones do not work over here - or over there - is the formatting of the numbers. All cell phones should carry the numbers as follows: plus symbol; country code (1 for US/Canada; 44 for UK including Northern Ireland and 353 for the republic of Ireland); area code (minus the first zero in GB & Ireland) and then the number. So my local number is 70823232 - all Northern Ireland landline numbers are on one code (028) and have 8 digits - therefore any cell phone would store my number as +442870823232. So now you know.)
To our theme: as our generation know ('cos we had it instilled by the pedagogically un p c wooden spoon): Good manners cost nothing. I have often maintained that being able to say "Please", "Thank you", "How are you?", "How much" and "Very good" will carry you a long way in any language. However, I think that courtesy is the sine qua non for the traveller.
The next priority is a natural extension of manners. It is the ability to put yourself in your host's place and to adapt the mores of his/her country. To wit, the vexatious issue of tipping. When in USA, I naturally add the customary 10-15%. (A lifetime ago, I made the mistake of tipping English style in Atlanta and have never forgotten the mutual mortification of both parties.) Over here, I still tip -and Herself has recognised that it is a good idea - but it tends to be 5 or a 10 for someone who has made an effort. Most of the waiting staff are paid the minimum wage and therefore rely on cash tips for a living - half of anything on a credit card goes to the government.
The point is that a little homework and forethought goes an exponentially long way. As does consideration for others. As does attitude. It is the foolish fashion to start from the undiscriminating line that every supplier i.e.Your Man and I is hell-bent on ripping you off and that only a resolute hand and a scowl will prevent same. You may recall the story of the wind and the sun competing to get the coat off a man's back. The wind blew like fury and the man tightened his coat to the utmost. The sun shone and he peeled off the layers. 'Nuff said?
A final thought. Console yoursleves that my fellow lowlife in the tourism business rate the three worst nationalities as the Russians (overbearingly rude nouveau riche tightwads); the Japanese (they always know better than the locals) and the Israelis ("whaddya mean, we have to pay for the minibar?"). And there is also the oft-quoted but scurrilously untrue apocryphal question: What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian? Answer: A canoe tips.
To my Canadian friends, I apologise - unless, of course, you have pockets longer than the St Lawrence Seaway. But, speaking as one who is a mix of British and Irish (please see next blog), I conclude that the old Yiddisher advice to "Sei ein mensch!" ("Be a human being") holds good in most corners of the globe.
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